How r u?

it's been 2 months since we last separated. I'm not sure will you frequent this blog site or ever visit. Will I be the only reader down here? Whatever it's, this will be my way of expressing my feelings to you. I hope u r getting fine by now. I pray that you will step out of the depression shadow and stand up for yourself. May be I'm not the one to see you through, but certainly you need encouragement in one way or another. *pray hard for you here* Guess I am not the one who can cure your illness. You are the one who can help yourself. Just trust my words for whoever you think I am to you.

I'm getting lonely as time goes by, but I really missed your company in the past. May be it's harsh to leave you on September, part of it was my patient runs dry. I still stick to my belief that you were not in the right state to have a bf. You are my first gf who was not so 'simple handling'. I was caught by you, your action and your dealings in r/s. Great that you found a job, that will help to keep you more occupied and don't bother too much.

Sometimes during the night, I felt so lost and so helpless. Recently I started to drink alone at home. I have many sleepless night. Haiz. I don't why too.

Post an entry to keep me updated. Hope to hear from you soon. May be if you are still keen, meet up for coffee ba, gd nite to you.

For You

For the past few days, I have been thinking about our situation. What had went wrong and why I am turning cold towards you. I felt that given your current state, a lot of care and concern needed to pour in. I just felt tired every time you turn to a hysterical condition. I felt exhausted when I struggled to make you feel better.

It’s really heart pain to see you in this state. I am not lying and I hope you trust me. Since day one, I never cheated you. I really don’t want to ‘Hai’ you further. Because of my impatient attitude, your emotional started to swift up and down.

Our relationship started in an unofficial manner. Through out this period, I tried to adapt your way of living. Sometimes I felt really xing fu if nothing goes wrong. A simple day out there can really content me one way or another. On the other hand, I started to grow frustration every time you turn depressed. I am not trying to push all the blame on you and I know it’s totally not your fault. It’s about me, I don’t have the amount of quality to see you through as I am not patient, I admitted. Don’t blame yourself please and be optimistic okie?

I know you tried and I can see your effort. But are you in the correct frame of mind to be in a relationship? I asked myself, whether you can handles the ups and downs of emotional through the relationship. The answer is uncertain. I failed to understand your point of view on certain time, things doesn’t seem to compromise. Remember that we need both hand to clap, it’s not your fault.

In life’s, there are so much things to look forward to. Remember by being happy is your choice. If you want to feel happy, no one can stop you. Recover from your sickness and I will be there if you need someone to talk to. Just be friends for now. I hope to see you smile again. Stay cheerful okie?

I know you are waiting for my first entry.

I know you tried and I am trying too. I just felt like an injured person who is recovering from a bad fall. There were times you complained that what I had given isn't enough, I admit. Picking up myself to walk again when I was asked to run.

There were times where the day went smoothly between us and I felt that was the life I wanted to be. But when quarrels come and you behave in an extreme way, it crumbles. Again and again, it keeps repeating. I just don't know the problem lies in you or me.

I called u several times. Again, you never failed me in not picking up my call. How do you feel when someone does that to you? Can you take it when I am doing that to you?

I am not sure how the matter gonna resolve as I just past each and every day with uncertainty.

my stomach is so pain now... trying all means to ease the pain... i think my stomach is too lousy for the buiba last night.. But i love the night.. deardear brought me to DIAN XIAO ER.. he planned the night's activities even though we quarrelled.. he knew that i cannot take scoldings anymore... i'm feeling so scared of scoldings.. i wanted to go to amk myself to meet him.. coz i'm afraid that i might start another quarrel with him again.. but he insisted on fetching me and said nvm.. he came and the first thing he did was to give me a hug.. i cried again.. for i was so happy..